Well, I do not know the exact reason, but it seems that I am unable to "clique" with everyone else. However I have come up with some rather frank reasons on why I am unpopular amongst any social circles.
1. I am not good looking
2. I am poor
3. I excel at underperforming which is why there is hardly anything in it for anyone else
I cannot think of any other logical explanations for my unpopularity. If you can, please do email me.
Before you dismiss this as just another off-the-mill "blame everyone but not himself" Internet emo-poet's rant, I assure you that my observations are shared by many of those I talk to.
I am not wallowing in self pity (well at least Im trying hard!). Allow me to relate some of my encounters during my recent travels.
While I was in OZ, I got to know some Singaporeans and students from other countries. There were the guys... and of course the girls. While I tried to mingle with them, most of them appeared to be very uninterested in the abominable me. Well, unless they needed my help, they mostly stayed away and tried very hard to avoid contact with me. I was an exemplary convenient friend, who would lend my hands and ears to whoever needed help. The self-righteous me is adamant to think this way.
Apparently I had a housemate "T" who said that I have an overbearing demeanour amongst a list of unspeakable atrocities that I was guilty of. (Mr T, this post is not directed at you. Im just using this as an example). Well I cannot blame him for he was certainly not the first and unlikely to be the last to view me with repugnance. I ought to know better as this was not an unprecedented, one-off incident. I met with much discontent all along and it has become part and parcel of what I have to deal with. While these people will deny that they loathe me for no reason and will try to attribute it to some particular trait of mine, it is a rather impossible for the insignificant me to have done anything to them at all.
Nevertheless, I was consumed by anger for quite a while.
Prior to these I actually got to know a couple of people who left really deep impressions in my mind and strengthened my beliefs in that my relationships with others exist only perfunctorily and that people are superficial and pragmatic. I shall not write about each of them being the lazybum that most people know me as.
1. Girls. I got to know a few of them. Added them (or tried to add them) on facebook. Got turned down by some even though I had interacted with them a few times. I had initially thought - Oh my, finally some girl-friends! All that came to pass and now thinking back, I let my imagination run too wild.
I am a staunch believer in the ladder theory though it never occurred to me that they were so put off by my appearance that I didnt even deserve a place in the friendship ladder. I actually had the chutspa to ask some of them out (as friends). No guesses for what happened thereafter. While I was perhaps far from their cup of tea I didnt think that I was such a disgrace to be seen with. Before anyone pointed out that I might have accidentally dissed off (or sexually harrassed) any of them, I can safely assure that there was no way I could have done that since there were very few limited interactions (or exchanges of 1-liners hi and bye) with them.
2. Guys. We chatted online and almost became housemates. However, I did not foresee a change of events which would turn us into enemies. I had tried to be the most forthcoming and amicable in my replies but was accused by this particular medical student. He was "pissed" by my late reply and gave me the most nonchalant and at the same time sardonic reply - yes I am surprised that it can be done ("Thank you for telling me so late") when I replied HOURS before the agreed deadline. Meanwhile I also got to know another SAF regular, who was so close to me for a few days as we bunked in the same room (and I cracked a joke about 2 guys sharing 1 underwear) but suddenly disappeared altogether from my small social circle. His reason to Mr T was that I wasnt in his clique (because he safely assumed that I do not club nor drink which wasnt too far from the truth but I am more inclined to believe that it was just a convenient excuse to shoo someone off).
I am green eyed with envy that Mr T is willing to pay rent and go all out to help his fellow country-man (and friend Mr K). People like me are never blessed with this sort of luck.
My original intent was simply to keep in touch with some of these people... perhaps through an occasional email, sms or MSN message.
But I guess having hailed from the lower rungs, strata of society manifested repulsive traits in this social misfit which is why acquiantance-ship itself is a tall order for me :)
For many, I think dis-associating with me is a prudent choice afterall.
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